The Road That Led Me Home
by mermani
Summary: With Jacob refusing to speak to her and the weeks without a sign of the Cullens slowly ticking by, Bella is forced to try and put herself back together. New Moon AU (J/B, E/B)
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, readers!**

**So I've never written _Twilight_ fanfiction. Ever. _Harry Potter_ under a different pseud, but never _Twilight_. Be warned that Bella's a little OOC in this fic. Why? Because writing her completely in-character would have probably killed me. This fic starts about two months after Bella goes to visit Jacob in _New Moon, _post-phase. He doesn't get around Sam's orders and Bella is left in the dark. And left to cope with her grief by herself. Because of this she gets a little reckless and crazy. Eventual J/B, E/B. Edward _will _come back in later chapters because we all know he can't help himself. A lot of minor characters will be given major roles in this fic because I think that they're more interesting than they're given credit for. Mike Newton, I'm looking at you.**

**We're probably looking at 15-20 chapters at this point, but that's subject to change. I've written through to chapter 3 so far and plan on (hopefully) updating weekly. Updates will come on either Wednesday nights or Sunday mornings.**

**Warnings for the entire fic: underage drinking, mature language, violence (of the ~supernatural kind), and _some _sexual content.  
**

**Also, if anybody feels like betaing this baby for me, let me know! **

* * *

Eric Yorkie talks more than any other person Bella's ever met. She looks up at his face, watching his mouth move but not really hearing the words.

"Uh," Bella says, interrupting Eric mid-sentence. "I have to pee." She stumbles off without waiting for a response, running her hand along the wall to steady herself.

_Heels were a bad idea._

Bella kicks them off halfway to the staircase, nearly falling on her face in the process.

"You alright there, Bella?" Giggling, she looks up. Mike Newton is hovering at the foot of the staircase, hands out as if he's ready to catch her at any moment. In her currently inebriated state, it's probably a good idea.

"I'm great," she says, still giggling a little bit. "_Amazing, _really." He furrows his brow at her and smiles bemusedly.

"Are you headed towards the kitchen? 'Cause I can get you another drink if you just wait here for a second – "

"Rum and coke, please," she says, slurring the last word. She can't believe how classy she feels saying it – rum and coke is a woman's drink, not a girl's. For cocktail parties and New Years' at the Hilton, not trashy high school ragers.

Her breathy giggles just now dying down, Bella leans back against the wall she's been using as support all night, sliding down onto the ground in a big heap. Her dress – Jessica's dress – is so itchy and so tight that Bella wonders if she should take it off. She doesn't like sequins anyways.

She's working the spaghetti straps down her arms when Mike comes back, two cups in his hands.

"Hey, Bella, what are you doing?" he asks, kneeling down in front of her. He brushes her hands off her dress and slides the straps back into place with gentle fingers, that furrow back between his eyebrows. Bella pouts, reaching for the cup closest to her.

"How much have you had to drink?" he asks, pulling the drink away.

"Two or three or four," she says. "And some shots with Eric. I dunno."

"Jesus," he says, voice low. "You're totally trashed right now." He looks upset, the corners of his mouth turned down.

"Are you mad at me?" she asks, the tears already welling up. Bella hates when people are upset with her. Hates it, hates it, hates it.

_Jacob's mad, he hasn't talked to you in weeks, why are people always mad at you, why are you always screwing up – _

"No," Mike says, placing the drinks on a nearby end table. "I just can't believe that you're drunk. Bella Swan is actually drunk." He laughs. She's not sure she gets the joke, but Bella laughs, too. This party has been _so _funny.

"Do you have a ride home? You drove here, right?"

She shrugs. "I was gonna stay with Jess."

"I'll take you guys to her place," he says. "I don't think either of you should be driving right now."

"Thanks, Mike," she says. "You're so nice. I always thought you were nice."

"Do you want me to stay with you?" he asks, scooting closer to her.

"No, I'm fine," she says, her head rolling back to hit the wall. Some guy that Jessica had introduced her to earlier – Dan or Dave or Don, something with a _D_ – smiles at her from his place just a few feet away. She waves, wishing she could remember his name.

"Bella, stay with Mike," _He_ says, his voice unbelievably clear and sharp. The noise of the party – the hypnotic beat of too-loud house music mingling with the dozens of people talking amongst themselves, sharing secrets and gossip and whatever else – fades to nothing. Suddenly feeling very, very sober, Bella reaches for one of the drinks that Mike had put down earlier.

"Give me your number," he says, his voice breaking into her thoughts. "I'll text you when I'm heading out, alright? I'll try to find Jess for you."

"Tell him to stay, Bella!" _he_ snarls. He's standing next to Dan-Dave-Don, who's still smiling at her.

Bella ignores _h__im_. Almost says she doesn't have a cell phone before remembering the bulky thing Charlie had forced on her last week. He hadn't been able to get ahold of her one too many times and had taken things into his own hands.

"Don't do anything crazy, alright?" Mike says as he helps her up, his phone still in his other hand.

She laughs, _his_ words still ringing in her head. It's almost empowering to watch Mike walk away.

_I wish _he _had stayed._

Bella takes a heavy breath and downs the rest of her drink – Mike went heavy on the rum, and it burns just enough to hurt as she swallows – before heading over to Dan-Dave-Don.

...

Jacob Black has not spoken to her in over two months. 63 days exactly.

She stopped calling on day 26, figuring she'd humiliated herself enough. His point had reached her and the pitying tone Billy used with her every time he picked up the phone instead of Jake had more than started to grate.

The boy who'd called himself her best friend had carved another hole in her chest, this one right next to the last.

Bella still had something left this time, though. She still had _his _voice.

It fueled her for one week, two. Jessica had been her saving grace.

"Are you guys going to Tyler's party?" she'd asked over lunch, picking at her salad. She always eats all of the croutons first, then starts in on the carrots, tomatoes, and mushrooms. Lettuce is last.

Mike had grunted something that sounded like affirmation before the question registered in Bella's head.

"Yeah," she'd managed, her mind working quickly. A party meant reckless teenagers doing reckless things. A party meant _alcohol_. Maybe even some marijuana.

_Perfect._

"That's great, Bella," Angela had said, smiling with obvious surprise. "Ben and I are going, too."

Bella had called a shockingly amicable Jessica that night to see if they could get ready together. She'd known little to nothing on what proper party attire was.

"Yeah," Jessica'd said. "You can just follow me home tomorrow after school."

And she had. _He _had appeared no less then three times that night: before each shot that she took – two before she was well and drunk and Jessica had made her stop – and when she'd danced with a friend of Tyler's.

_His _reaction to alcohol wore off after the second time she'd gone out with Jessica, but he never fails to react to boys. Nice or mean, cute or not – it doesn't matter. She doesn't even have to get that far before he appears. Just _thinking _about having sex is always enough.

"Fucking cocktease," Daniel – she _knew _it was a 'D' name – mutters as she gracelessly slides off of him. He looks so angry that it's nearly comical.

"Sorry," she says, already walking out of the bedroom, cell phone in hand. Mike had found Jessica and is heading out. She'd gotten what she came for, regardless. _His _words are still ringing in the back of her head.

_I'm coming_.

Her phone makes a funny little beeping noise to let her know that her text has found its way to Mike.

"Bye, Bella," somebody says as she picks up her shoes and starts for the door, voice sing-song-y. Muffled laughter follows.

"Bye," she says, waving in the general direction of the living room. The party is losing momentum – only half the guests remain, most of them sitting on the sofas or out on the patio. She thinks briefly that Andrea has a nice house before walking out, the cool air hitting her like a slap.

Bella's shivering by the time she gets to Mike's car, parked at the end of the street. The heat is, thankfully, _on _when she slides into the passenger seat, Jess already curled up in the back. Her face softens in such a way that she's beautiful when she sleeps, lashes dusky on her cheeks.

"Hey," Mike says, pulling off of the shoulder and onto the road. His exhaustion is clear even in the dark.

"Hey," Bella says, voice soft. She feels drained. The buzz of alcohol still hums pleasantly in her brain, but it's fading fast.

_Maybe I'll actually sleep tonight._

It's always terrible after seeing _him_, but if she's tired enough and a little drunk –

"Did you have fun, Bells?" The nickname – _Jake, Jake, Jake _– tugs at her heartstrings and she barely holds back a wince.

"I did, yeah," she says, wrapping her arms around herself. "You?"

"I had an okay time," he says. There's silence for a moment, the emptiness of the road eerie. She shivers, half-expecting to see Victoria out in the middle of the street. Bella isn't sure what happened that day in the woods. Had the wolves somehow managed to destroy Laurent? She's unable to fully comprehend how that's even possible, but with the weeks since she'd nearly been killed slowly ticking by, Bella has trouble coming up with another reason for his absence.

"Are you cold?" he asks, sounding concerned. Although she can't see his face clearly, Bella's sure his eyebrows are pulled together, that furrow back between them. He raises the air before she can answer.

Guilt settles firmly in the pit of her stomach as they drive, an uncomfortable silence settling over them. Bella has never thought that highly of Mike Newton. She wonders what he ever did to deserve her disdain other than _like _her.

"Why was it only okay?" she asks, curling her legs underneath her. "The party, I mean."

"Oh, I don't know," Mike says. "It's always the same crap with these people. I'm just kind of ready to graduate, I guess. That sounds really shitty, but do you get what I'm saying?" Bella nods as if she has any clue about what he's talking about. She hasn't given a single thought to graduation in months. Her grades are good but Bella hasn't bothered to apply to any colleges. The thought of leaving Forks is too much for her to think about.

"Where are you going next year?" she asks, trying to keep the conversation going.

"U-dub, probably," he says. She can hear the fabric of his shirt moving as he shrugs. "I really wanted to go down to UCLA, but my parents aren't gonna let me go that far…"

Bella's always been bad at small talk, but Mike is easy. He chatters on about his plans for next year with little to no prompting, the occasional "mhm" or "that's cool" enough for him.

They pull up to Jessica's and Bella's actually surprised with how quickly the trip went. Mike really is a cool person.

"Later, Bella," he says as she gets out.

"Thanks so much for driving us," she says. "I'll see you Monday." Jessica's mumbling incoherencies when she manages to pull her out of the car.

"God, I need to throw up," she says, voice low and hoarse. Bella holds her hair back as Jess empties the contents of her stomach out onto the lawn, right into the rose bushes.

"Thanks, boo," Jessica says when she's done. Bella watches her stumble up to the door, fumbling in her tiny purse for the house keys. Bella sways a little, still just the slightest bit tipsy, the cool night air wonderfully refreshing after the heat of Mike's car.

"You coming in or what?" Jess says, standing in the open doorway.

"I'm just going to stand out her for a second," she says. The other girl shrugs before going inside.

Sighing, Bella shuts her eyes. Lets her arms drop to her sides. She shudders when she thinks of _him._ It had been so vivid tonight, like he'd been right there in the room with her. More vivid than usual.

She's about to head back towards the house when she hears a twig snap. Woods surround most of the houses in Forks, and Jessica's is no exception. Bella turns her head sharply in the direction of the trees.

One second, two –

_Snap._

It's unmistakable this time.

She's running before she even thinks about it.


	2. Chapter 2

Bella heads for her truck first, nearly at the door before realizing the stupidity of her actions.

"Bella?" Her heart plummets. That voice –

"You need to go inside. _Now._" She stiffens before turning around to look at Jacob. He's standing just outside of the tree line, shirtless and barefoot and inexplicably covered in mud. The expression on his face is so deadly serious that Bella almost does it.

"Why?" she asks, alcohol making her brave. Her eyes run over him. He's even bigger than before, if possible, the muscles in his arms, shoulders, and chest rippling as he takes a step closer. The loss of his hair strikes her again, this time almost worse than the first. He doesn't even look like Jacob any longer.

"Fuck, Bella, just get inside the house – " He stops mid-sentence, eyes on something behind her.

Victoria's _right there _when Bella turns around, only twenty or thirty feet away. There's a terrible moment when Bella's simply overcome with the beauty of her – the pale, silvery skin coupled with the chaos of red curls, all of her features so delicate and perfectly-proportioned – unable to do anything but stare, slack-jawed.

"Victoria," she finally says, voice soft. It doesn't matter how soft it is; Bella knows she'll be able to hear it. Fear grips her so tightly that she thinks she may fall over.

_Jacob, Jacob, oh, God, poor Jake._

"Hello, Bella," she says. Her voice is high-pitched, all bubblegum and Barbie-pink. It's the voice of a child, not the monster in front of her. The look of absolute focus on her face makes Bella wonder if she even notices that Jake is there.

She takes a step towards Bella, mouth stretching into a horrible smile, when there's a ripping sound from the direction of the woods. Victoria's gone before she can look over, an enormous wolf streaking after her a half-second later.

Bella turns her head back in the direction of the woods, her horror mounting as she watches several dark, massive shapes follow after Victoria. Jake is gone.

"Oh, God," she says, voice nearly a whisper. She takes a step back, unable to decide on whether to look forward or behind. The night is strangely still, her own breathing the only sound she can hear.

Without really meaning to, she takes a step closer to the woods, eyes searching for something – _anything _– that might give her a clue as to what the _hell _is going on. As she approaches the tree line, Bella notices a dark, crumpled thing on the ground where Jake had been standing. Picking it up, realization dawns.

_Denim_. What used to be a pair of cut-off shorts is lying in pieces on the dirt, the biggest scrap in her hands.

Dropping the torn denim, Bella promptly throws up on the grass, head swimming. Her knees buckle. The ground is solid underneath her. Steady.

She's not stupid - confused, yes, and definitely selfish, but not stupid. That night so many months ago when she'd flirted with Jacob at First Beach is clear in her mind, his words rushing over her.

"Werewolf," she says, testing the word. "_Werewolves._" Bella sighs. Shuts her eyes. Exhaustion hits her like a freight train and suddenly all she wants to do is sleep.

_This is too much, _she thinks, resting her hands on the dirt. The scent of vomit, which would normally disgust her, seems inconsequential right now. The thought of Victoria coming back for is not nearly as terrifying as it should be – she can feel her heart speed up with the fear, but there's no accompanying rush of terror. Bella wonders briefly if this is what it's like to go crazy.

"Too much," she says, finally just curling up on the ground. It's cold, but she doesn't care. "Too much, too much." The grass crunches under her cheek. Squeezing her eyes more tightly closed, Bella tries her hardest not to think.

...

Her eyes feel glued shut. It takes more than a little bit of effort to get them open. Light floods in so quickly and so painfully that Bella immediately closes them again.

"Oh, my God," she says, voice hoarse. Her head hurts so a badly that she thinks she might cry.

"Morning, sweetie," Jessica says. Bella cracks one eye open just the slightest bit, enough to see the other girl sitting on the bed next to her. She looks entirely too cheerful, already dressed in a bright pink, low-cut sweater and dark-wash jeans.

"Oh, my God," Bella says again. "What time is it?"

"A little after ten," Jess says, getting up off the bed so that she can go look at her reflection in the nearby vanity mirror. Bella watches as she smooths out her eyebrows, pouting for her reflection. She's struck again by just how _pretty_ Jess really is. With the – the _Cullens_ – around, Bella hadn't really been able to see beyond their perfection at the people around her.

_Eat your heart out, Mike Newton._

"Where's my phone? I should call my dad," she says.

"I don't know." Jess shrugs her narrow shoulders. "I was passed out by the time you came in last night."

The events of last night hit Bella all over again, forcing a gasp from her.

_Victoria. Werewolves. Jacob_.

"You alright?" Jess asks, oblivious to Bella's current state of turmoil.

"Peachy," she says, slowly getting off the bed. The inside of her mouth tastes absolutely awful and she can't help wondering how bad her morning breath has to be. Jess snorts.

"No need for that level of sarcasm, Bella," she says, turning from the mirror. "You want breakfast or something before you head out?"

"Coffee's fine," she says distractedly, getting on her hands and knees in order to look under the bed for her purse. Bella's not even sure how she got into bed to begin with. The last thing she remembers is throwing up on the lawn.

Jess mutters something about breakfast being the most important meal of the day before leaving the room, presumably to get Bella some coffee. She finally finds her bag on the windowsill, a crumpled piece of paper haphazardly jammed into it.

Smoothing it out, Bella's eyes run over the familiar handwriting.

_We need to talk. I'll call you._

_ -Jacob_

Letting a shaky breath out, Bella folds the note back up and returns it to her purse. She's returning one of Charlie's three missed calls when Jess comes back, a mug in one hand and a bottle of Tylenol in the other.

"Is he mad?" she mouths, setting the mug down on the dresser.

Bella grimaces.

" – can't _believe_ you, not calling again. You had me up all night waiting for you to call, I was worried sick – " Bella lets him rant for a few moments longer before interrupting.

"I'm really sorry, dad, I _know _I should've called," she says. "It won't happen again."

"Yeah, sure," Charlie says gruffly. Guilt rises up in her chest – he clearly doesn't believe her. "When will you be home?"

"I'd say a half hour or so," she says. Bella knows she hasn't heard the end of this discussion. She can't even really blame him – she's been the Worst Daughter Ever since she moved back to Forks. The lies keep stacking up like a wall between them.

"Normally I'd make you deal with your own hangover," Jess says, handing Bella two tiny, white pills. "But you look especially shitty today." Smiling gratefully, Bella finds herself wishing she'd gotten to know Jessica sooner. Although a little self-centered, she's proved to be a forgiving friend – you'd _have_ to be forgiving to be friends with Lauren Mallory – and a spot of real consistency in Bella's otherwise chaotic history of relationships. And who _isn't_ a little self-centered when it really comes down to it?

"Thanks," Bella says before taking the pills with a swig of coffee. She'd never been much of a coffee-drinker, but nothing can compare to the feeling she gets when the caffeine hits her. The dreaming is awful, she can't do anything about it, and with as little sleep as she usually gets, she's taken to drinking three or four cups a day in order to feel as normal as possible. Dark circles hang like suitcases under her eyes, but being able to hold a conversation is definitely progress.

"What are you doing today?" Bella asks, pulling her jeans out of her overnight bag and slipping them on.

"That guy from Port Ange won't stop calling, so I'll probably go out with him for lunch or something," Jess says, shrugging. "Free food is free food." Bella cracks a smile at that.

"You're such a heartbreaker, Jess," she says as she yanks her sweater on. It's the baggiest one she owns, a faded maroon pullover that's probably been in Charlie's closet since the late '80s.

"I know," the other girl says, smirking. "What about you?"

"I don't know," Bella says slowly, wondering how much she should say. Jessica is blessedly ignorant of the situation. "I have to run a few errands." She buys it easily enough, frowning at Bella.

"How exciting," she says blandly.

_You'd be surprised, _Bella thinks as she gathers her things.

"I'll call you or something," Jess says, leading Bella down the stairs and to the front door.

"Please do," Bella says. A phone call from Jessica typically kills two or three hours of her day, giving her less time to sit holed up in her room with her thoughts.

The drive takes much too long for Bella's liking. Her fingers drum an erratic pattern on the steering wheel as she pushes the truck to its limits, somewhere in between fifty-five and sixty miles an hour. She gets home earlier than she'd told Charlie she would and immediately checks the house phone's answering machine.

"Damn it," she says.

"Bella, is that you?" Charlie calls out from the living room.

_Who else would it be_?

She drops her bags by the stairs and goes to greet him, forcing a smile onto her face. Things with Charlie have been very tense for the last month or so. He'd almost completely stopped talking to Billy after Jacob had decided not to be her friend anymore and he's more easily agitated than ever, snapping at her for the most ridiculous things.

"Hey, dad, I was just – " She stops dead in her tracks when she sees the person sitting next to her father.

"Hi, Bella."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello, lovelies! Trying to get the plot rolling a little more with this chapter, but it's still mostly set-up/filler. Hope you guys enjoy it regardless!**

**-Meghan**

**(I'm still looking for a beta if anybody is willing!)**

* * *

Jacob is sitting on the edge of the sofa, as far from Charlie as possible, looking more uncomfortable than Bella thinks she's ever seen him.

"Hi," she says.

"I'll just leave you two alone, then," Charlie mutters, standing up and making his way to the kitchen.

"I thought you were going to call?" Bella asks once she's sure Charlie's out of earshot. It's the first question that comes to her head and probably the stupidest.

"I figured this would be better in person," he says, raising an eyebrow. The facial expression is foreign on him. Kind of sarcastic, a little mean. Bella feels nauseous.

"You're a werewolf," she says. "I get it." What she doesn't get is why it's an excuse to act like a jerk. Suddenly feeling a little wobbly, Bella sits on the sofa, right where Charlie had been sitting. The spot's still warm.

Sighing, Jacob leaned back on the couch, turning his head to look at her.

"Do you get why I had to stop talking to you?" he asks, face softening with emotion. "I never wanted to hurt you, Bella." The words burn more than they should; draw up memories of other promises left broken.

"Yeah," she says. "Nobody ever wants to hurt fragile, little Bella Swan." Suddenly he's crouched over her, hands on her cheeks and eyes locked on hers.

"I couldn't tell you, Bella, I _couldn't._ It wasn't safe, I couldn't disobey orders," he says, his eyes pleading with her to understand. "You've gotta believe me." Without really meaning to, she brings her hands up to cover his. Jake shudders, shutting his eyes. "Things have been bad without you around." He grimaces. Opens his eyes.

"I don't understand," she says, voice soft. "Why wasn't it safe? Whose orders?" The look on his face physically hurts her.

"The wolf is hard to control in the beginning," he says slowly, clearly choosing his words carefully. "Sometimes _accidents_ happen."

"Oh," she says. "All the hikers, right?" Jacob furrows his brow in confusion before answering.

"What hikers?" he asks.

"All the deaths? The animal attacks." Realization dawns on him.

"Oh, God, no, Bella. Those were vampire kills," he says, finally dropping his hands from her face. Her cheeks feel flushed where he'd touched her. "We're here to stop that from happening. Sometimes we're too late."

"Vampires?"

"The red-headed leech," he says, voice nearly a growl. She shudders, suddenly cold.

"Victoria," she says. "You guys have been hunting Victoria." He nods.

"I heard you yesterday. She always ends up near you…" He trails off, studying her face.

"She's after me," Bella says, taking a shaky breath. "Last year, when I had the accident in Phoenix – her mate, James, had been tracking me. Ed – _he _killed James. A mate for a mate and all." Bella laughs bitterly, tracing the scar on her wrist. "Too bad she doesn't have the whole story." Jake is shaking now, hands vibrating and the muscles in his shoulders twitching underneath his skin. Bella lays a hand on his arm, right on the curve of his bicep. He stills, dark eyes meeting hers.

"He's still hurting you," Jake says. "Even now he's putting you in danger." Bella almost protests. She thinks back on the previous night, on the previous _month_, really. He doesn't know how right he is.

"Whose orders couldn't you disobey?" she asks again, watching the changing emotions ripple over his face. He's harder to read now, but she thinks she sees anger, then resignation. His face settles into a blank mask before he speaks. It's a look she's quickly growing familiar with.

"Sam's," he says stiffly. "He's the Alpha."

"What does that mean?"

"He's like – he's like the pack leader," Jake says. "If he issues a command, it's almost impossible to break it."

"And he told you that you couldn't see me?" Bella asks, a little hurt. She remembers Sam saving her in the woods – remembers hating him for making Jacob unhappy.

"It's not about you, Bella," he says, taking a deep breath. The tremors are back. "Accidents happen." There it is again – _accidents happen._

"What kind of accidents?" she asks. It's a near-whisper.

"Don't push him, Bella," _he _says, voice right in her ear. She shudders, finally letting her hand drop from Jake's arm. If anything, the shaking gets worse.

"If I were to phase – to change into a wolf – right here, right now," Jake finally says, leaning away from her. "You'd get hurt."

"You wouldn't hurt me," Bella says. She knows it deep in her bones.

"Unless Sam orders me to," Jake says, smiling that bitter half-smile of his. The wolf-smile. He clenches his fists in an obvious effort to stop the vibrations.

"Why are you shaking?" she asks. He doesn't answer for a long moment and Bella thinks he's simply not going to before he opens his mouth to speak.

"The wolf's close," Jake whispers. Unsure of what else to do, Bella cups his face in her hands.

"You wouldn't hurt me," she repeats. He releases a shaky breath, visibly relaxing. They sit there for a while, just looking at each other, before he grabs her hands in his. His skin is hot – too hot – and her palms immediately begin to sweat.

"You probably don't want to talk about this," Jake says. "But you need to tell me everything you know about the redhead. We need as much information as you can give if we're gonna take her down."

And she does. She starts with the baseball game, right at the beginning, and by the time she's finished she feels ill.

"Are you alright?" he asks, frowning in concern. "That was a stupid question, sorry." Bella laughs hollowly.

"It's fine," she says. "I'm fine. Could you get me a glass of water?" He nods, unfolding his large frame from the crouched position he'd taken on the floor in front of her.

"I'll be right back," he says.

_Breathe, Bella, breathe._

She rests her head against her knees and shuts her eyes, trying to take even breathes. It takes a minute, but Bella's able to calm herself down enough to sit back up. The pain hasn't lessened with time – not really – but she's better able to deal with it than she used to be. Without Jacob to put her back together she'd had to at least try to do it herself.

It takes longer than expected for Jake to come back, at least ten or fifteen minutes. She's about to go to the kitchen herself when he walks in.

"You were gone for a while," Bella says, gratefully taking the glass of water from him.

"I had to let the other guys know right away," Jake says, shrugging apologetically.

"You called Sam?" she asks.

"Um, no," he says. He shifts his weight. Swallows.

"Okay?" Bella downs the last of her water and sets the cup on the end table.

"When we phase," Jake says, pausing as if to gather his words, "we can read each other's thoughts. It's like – I don't know. We make a 'pack mind' – like a collective brain." He shrugs again.

"That's kind of weird," Bella says.

"It's a pain in the ass," he says. "But yeah, weird. Also weird."

"So you phased," Bella says.

"Yeah," he sighs.

"Okay," she says, absorbing this new bit of information.

"You're taking this really well," he says, sitting down next to her.

"You didn't see me last night," she says, making a face.

"I did, actually," Jake says, frowning. "You were passed out on the lawn so I took you to bed. The front door was open."

"Oh, God," Bella says, thinking about the puddle of vomit she'd been lying next to. "I'm sorry." She looks away, so embarrassed that it hurts.

"It's cool, don't be sorry," Jake says. They're still for a moment. He grabs her chin in one of his big hands, fingers gentle, and turns her face so that he can meet her eyes.

"Had you been drinking?" he asks, frowning even more deeply than before.

"Yeah," she says, looking away. "Not that it's any of your business." The worry in his eyes is too much to look at. She's annoyed with how ashamed she feels.

Sighing, Jacob lets his hand fall from her face.

"I guess that's fair," he says. "But know that I'm here now, okay? And alcohol's kind of a bad idea – "

"Shut up," she says in disbelief. "Just shut the hell up." Jacob Black, lecturing _her. _Like he's her father or something. The irony is astounding. He looks a little pissed but doesn't say anything else about it. Bella knows this isn't over for good, though. Jake's stubborn like that.

"Did you just cuss?" he says. "Did Bella Swan actually just cuss?" His smile is something between the old Jake-smile and the wolf-smile.

"I'm done with this conversation," Bella says primly, getting off the couch. She knows he's messing with her but can't help but be annoyed anyways.

"I'm sorry," he says, grabbing her hand and tugging. She stops, turning to look at him.

"Okay," she says, rolling her eyes. "I forgive you." Before she knows it she's surrounded by heat, his arms wrapped around her and that musky, piney smell that is so _Jacob _invading her senses. He smells like the sea and afternoons spent in the garage and _home. _Bella sighs, sinking into his embrace.

"I'm really glad you know," he says quietly, mouth against her hair. She shuts her eyes. Burrows into his chest.

"Me, too," she says. She feels like she should be surprised with how quickly they've fallen into their old habits – blurred lines and touches that verge on too far – but she isn't. It's like they'd never been apart. Bella had missed him so much. More than she can really express.

They stay like that for a while, wrapped up in each other, before the sound of Charlie's throat clearing draws her out of her Jacob-induced calm.

"Jake," Charlie says, clearing his throat again. "Your dad just called. Says he needs you to head home."

"Alright," Jake says, reluctantly letting her go. "I'll see you later, 'kay?"

Bella nods, watching as he heads for the door.

"You guys made up, then?" Charlie asks once Jake is gone. He turns the TV on and sits down in his recliner.

"We did," Bella says. "I guess it was just a big misunderstanding on both parts."

"Good, good," he says distractedly. Bella knows he's thinking about Billy and hopes that the rift in their friendship can be mended with as little trouble as possible.

"I'm just going to go do some homework," Bella says. He nods but she doesn't think he really hears the words. She takes the stairs slowly, so tired that her eyes hurt with it. The painkillers have stopped doing their job and her head pounds insistently.

"Werewolf," she says, nearly collapsing onto the bed. It's easier to say it today, the word stuck in her throat for only a moment. Bella wonders briefly if it's normal to accept this sort of thing so easily.

She falls into a fitful sleep, the memory of that enormous, russet-colored wolf lingering behind her eyes.

...

The sound of her cell phone buzzing on top of her dresser is what wakes her up. Bella checks the time before answering. 3 o'clock, which means she'd slept for a solid two hours. Even with the catnap Bella feels less than great.

"Hey, Jess," she says, lying back on the bed.

"Hey there," Jess says. "You wouldn't _believe _what happened to me in Port Ange just now…" Bella lets Jess tell her story; lets the words just slide over her. She's a good story-teller, even has Bella laughing out loud a few times, and by the time their conversation is over she feels pretty close to normal.

"So I guess you're not seeing him again?" Bella says, smiling even though Jess can't see it.

"Hell, no," she says. "There was jizz all over the steering wheel, for fuck's sake. I know fourteen-year-olds with better control than that." Bella can hear the other girl snort.

"That is a little – " The sound of something tapping against the window makes her stop abruptly.

"Bella?" Jess asks. Setting the phone down on the bed, Bella carefully gets up, trying to make as little noise as possible.

_It's Victoria, it has to be_ –

She breathes a sigh of relief when she sees the familiar face of Jacob Black staring back at her through the glass. Bella picks the phone back up.

"Sorry, Jess," Bella says, opening the window. "I've gotta go."

"My mom just finished up with dinner anyways so I'll talk to you later! Bye, girl," she says. Bella hangs up.

"Who was that?" Jacob asks curiously. He's already made himself comfortable on her bed, sprawled out so that he takes up as much room as possible.

"Jessica Stanley," she says, sitting down on the corner of the bed, right by his feet. He raises an eyebrow – that same harsh gesture from earlier – but doesn't say anything.

"I thought you didn't like her?" Jake asks. She shrugs.

"She's not so bad," she says. "She's been a really good friend to me these last few weeks." He winces at "friend."

There's an awkward lull in the conversation where Jake just stares at her as she fidgets, tucking her hair behind her ear over and over again.

"Why are you so nervous?" he asks, frowning. "It's still me, Bella. I'm still the same."

_Except you're not._

"I'm fine," she says quietly.

Sighing loudly, Jacob lets his head fall back on the bed.

"Was there any particular reason for you stopping by?" Bella asks.

"Wow, harsh," he says, grinning.

"Shut up," she says, settling more comfortable on the bed. He moves his feet so that she can scoot backwards, the mattress dipping under her weight.

"Actually," he says, serious again. "There is a reason."

"Oh?" she asks, trying for nonchalant.

"Sam wants to set up patrols around your house," Jacob says. "And the pack has some questions about the leech. We figured you could stop by La Push sometime so we could work everything out. It's a pain to have me running back and forth."

"Okay," she says slowly. It makes sense and Bella wants to be as little trouble as possible. "When?"

"Tomorrow, maybe?" he says, sitting up. "Or Monday after school if you can't. As soon as you can."

"Tomorrow's fine," she says. "Call me when you want me to go over."

"Yeah, alright," Jake says, getting off the bed. She watches as he goes over to the window.

"See you – " Her words are cut off when he wraps his arms around her. He's so warm that she can't help but sink into him.

"Bye, Bells," he says, murmuring the words into her hair. Just like that he's gone, the open window her only hint that he'd been there at all.

* * *

**Thoughts?**


End file.
